*ShortzMag

The King

2011-01-24T15:24:00.007+01:00

"Things are what I imagine them to be," the philosopher said. "Things are what I tell them to be," the king agreed.

Nightshift

2011-01-24T15:24:00.004+01:00

In the morning, when the nightshift went back home, he always felt he was the last person who kept the past day alive.

Hate of interior design

2011-01-24T15:24:00.002+01:00

When Jack saw her toiletpaper matched the bathroom tiles, he knew they would never be together.

When God met Twitter

2011-01-24T15:23:00.002+01:00

Goddamnit son, you and your "Look at me dad, I've got twelve followers!"

Poetic freedom

2011-01-24T15:22:00.007+01:00

"No sir," the judge said to the poet, "there's no such thing as poetic freedom in a mortgage contract."

Treehugger

2011-01-24T15:22:00.005+01:00

She hugged a tree to get in contact with its ancient spirit. Meanwhile the tree wondered if she had a job.

Chimpansees

2011-01-24T15:22:00.003+01:00

"In the zoo they hide the chimpansees' food to keep them from destroying themselves," the old man said to his jobless, tv-watching son.

Truth

2011-01-24T15:22:00.001+01:00

When the scientists discovered the truth, they dragged it out of its hole, killed it and buried it. Wild parties broke out everywhere.

Hole to the other side of the earth.

2011-01-24T15:21:00.001+01:00

After drilling a hole to the other side of the earth, the monsters put a stick through it and sold it in a candystore.

Comic #7: Twitter

2011-01-17T10:04:00.002+01:00

Our comics have moved to: http://thevoid.smackjeeves.com/

Comic #6: Dreadlock holiday

2011-01-16T10:00:00.001+01:00

Comic #5: IQ-test

2011-01-15T10:00:00.003+01:00

Comic #4: Robot

2011-01-14T10:00:00.005+01:00

Comic #3: Stealers wheel

2011-01-13T10:00:00.004+01:00

Comic #2: Seven Billion

2011-01-12T10:12:00.005+01:00

Comic #1: Office

2011-01-11T09:45:00.005+01:00

Very old man

2011-01-07T13:47:00.003+01:00

"Shut up!" the very old man cried when he heard the dust under his bed whisper: "Before long he'll return to us."

Dimension

2011-01-07T13:47:00.001+01:00

All his life the scientist had been searching for an other dimension where maybe his love for her might be answered.

The value of money

2011-01-07T13:46:00.003+01:00

"Zero," the philosopher said. "A little," the rich man said. "Infinite," the poor man said.

Every good deed has its recompense

2011-01-07T13:46:00.001+01:00

After saving the child from the burning house, the suicidal man was hit by a meteorite.

Gold

2011-01-07T13:45:00.003+01:00

"I will exist for a thousand million years and you a mere eighty," the gold said to the rich man, "so how can you say you own me?"

Nessie

2011-01-07T13:45:00.000+01:00

No sign of Nessie. 40 years of fruitless research. I wish to God we would f...
[end of captain's log]

When God met Darwin

2011-01-07T13:41:00.006+01:00

"I guess you know what happened when the dinosaurs started blabla-ing about evolution," God said looking at his watch.

Future of literature

2011-01-07T13:41:00.004+01:00

"God, these ancient flash-stories are longwinded," Dave said turning back to the one-word story he was reading.

Drop of water

2011-01-07T13:41:00.002+01:00

Maybe the drinking glass of a queen or maybe that of a famous rockstar, the drop of water thought inside the pipe on his way to the toilet.

Lonely Jim

2011-01-07T13:40:00.003+01:00

Lonely Jim knew his luck had returned when he received ten private messages in a row from the blond bombshell with links to her profile.

Be happy with what you have

2011-01-07T13:40:00.000+01:00

"Be happy with what you have."
Hearing this, the poor man cursed. But later, after the accident he wished he still had his empty hands.

Not so secret love

2011-01-07T13:39:00.002+01:00

He was quite impressed when the Android text predictor guessed 'sex' when he tried to type her name

-ology

2011-01-07T13:38:00.007+01:00

"I love things ending at -ology," the crocodile said eating a biologist.

Plump Sarah

2011-01-07T13:38:00.004+01:00

Plump Sarah wondered why the butcher always felt her wrist when he handed her the bacon she loved so much.

Annual dentist horror contest

2011-01-07T13:38:00.002+01:00

"Can I take a picture?" I asked. "Why?" the man gurgled, drenched in blood.

Great writer

2011-01-07T13:37:00.002+01:00

He would've been a great writer. Sadly he was born in a peaceful country from loving parents and didn't write a single story in his life.

Winner of the First ShortzMag Flashfiction Contest

2010-12-29T11:54:00.001+01:00

And the winner of the First ShortzMag Flashfiction Contest is, with 51 out of 157 votes:

Story 6 by @simonasylvester
It went on for years. And then, one day, she said ‘yes.’ It was whispered, hushed, involuntary, panted. It cut him to his addled core.

Second place(39 votes):

Story 18 by @A_TAD
Loneliness crept in through an open window and slid into bed between the lovers. Without a sound they rolled onto their sides and made room.

Third place(33 votes):

Story 17 by @redsaid1
After the accident, she's still conscious. She frets. Not about possibly dying, but about whether the paramedics'll notice her unshaven legs

Congratulations winners from the ShortzMag Editors! Click here to see all results.

We the editors thought we would give you our list of favorites (not necessarily in this order):

Story 5 by @blanchardauthor
I blinked, alive again. Those fool children had done it! They had placed the hat on a golem, returning me. Time for this snowman to play.

Story 14 by @DavidKM
Robbie was in trouble. The traffic signals were communicating with one another using a variant of Morse code. The lights were against him.

Story 18 by @A_TAD
Loneliness crept in through an open window and slid into bed between the lovers. Without a sound they rolled onto their sides and made room.

Thanks all flashfiction writers for joining the contest and thanks everybody else for voting. We hope to have a next contest in the new year!

Greetings,

DK, ZA, IS

ShortzMag Flash Fiction Contest Entries

2010-12-23T09:07:00.003+01:00

Here are the contestants and their stories of the First ShortzMag Flash Fiction Contest! Please cast your vote on the sidebar(left). You can choose multiple stories, but you can only vote once. Anyone can vote, so ask your family, friends, neighbours and followers to join in!

Good luck to all contestants!

The stories

Story 1 by @kylecallahan
Liz runs to the car, tears fresh on her face. He calls out her name, but now that too sounds like a lie. Key in ignition, she pulls away.

Story 2 by @ravencorinn
She pounded on the airlock door. "Too late," he said. Decontamination began.

Story 3 by @svramey
Father's ghost speaks louder than he did. It shouts obscenities at my mother and ridicules my brother; this from my mouth, with my tongue.

Story 4 by @Page_ten
*Need* She said it was love. Her therapist said it was co-dependency. She stopped therapy and used the money to buy a tandem bicycle.

Story 5 by @blanchardauthor
I blinked, alive again. Those fool children had done it! They had placed the hat on a golem, returning me. Time for this snowman to play.

Story 6 by @simonasylvester
It went on for years. And then, one day, she said ‘yes.’ It was whispered, hushed, involuntary, panted. It cut him to his addled core.

Story 7 by @raymondgates
*Hell Express* "Let her go you bastards!" He pounded the unyielding elevator doors. "Dad!" she cried. Fainter. Receding. "Daddy! It hurts!"

Story 8 by @TonyNoland
When he realized that no one really cared that his biopsy came back clean, he put away his Rolex and quietly stopped shopping for that BMW.

Story 9 by @mpdonoghue
The SETI scientists anxiously awaited the wisdom of the first message from aliens. Finally translated, it worryingly proclaimed, "First!"

Story 10 by @thewritertype
As we try to divide up the CDs, we play the music we fell in love to. Maybe I'll leave tomorrow.

Story 11 by @PamelaTurner
*Drowning* Pond water seeped into her slack mouth, stung her nose. Eyes closed, she prayed for her killer to stop. She’d changed her mind.

Story 12 by @frankiesachs
Missionary: She wears want on her face. He's too busy digging more Chick tracts out of his knapsack to see it. He thinks she's a good girl.

Story 13 by @BeachyBooks
On aching feet, she stares at the selfish, shiny digital worlds, broadsheets spread like butterfly wings. Will her chrysalis bring new hope?

Story 14 by @DavidKM
Robbie was in trouble. The traffic signals were communicating with one another using a variant of Morse code. The lights were against him.

Story 15 by @farookster
He stood in the shower to wash away the evil sins of his mind but the severity of them poisoned the water spreading out to infect all of him

Story 16 by @evafortuna
Run when the sunlight dies. Fallout brown dust beneath orange mountains. Over burning sand, we sprint against nightfall.

Story 17 by @redsaid1
After the accident, she's still conscious. She frets. Not about possibly dying, but about whether the paramedics'll notice her unshaven legs

Story 18 by @A_TAD
Loneliness crept in through an open window and slid into bed between the lovers. Without a sound they rolled onto their sides and made room.

Story 19 by @akaSjors
RT @lonely72: 140 characters is not enough for this but mum and dad: I loved you. @partygirl88: I never stopped loving you and I'm sorry we

Story 20 by @meneerdevoer
*Icecapades* I slipped and fell. People saw me. I died a little bit inside.

Story 21 by @ChrisPuzak
"Driving a Zamboni is a sacred trust," my dad always said. "Screw you dad," I muttered as I drove mine onto the highway.

Click here to see who's winning.

Truth

2010-12-22T13:59:00.000+01:00

"Truth? Nobody's interested in the truth nowadays," the editor said, "just write something funny about it."

Beware of bedroom plants

2010-12-21T14:47:00.001+01:00

Sleeping calmly, Bob never heard the dried out geraniums in his bedroom discuss carnivorous behaviour and Bob's potential as a foodsource.'

Haiku #4

2010-12-20T14:45:00.003+01:00

A blood stained axe

A chopped off toe

The laughing trees

The elephant people

2010-12-20T14:09:00.004+01:00

When they discovered the fountain of youth, they weren't aware that your nose and ears keep growing all your life.

Theory

2010-12-17T14:42:00.002+01:00

We had to alter our theories about alien life when we discovered the giant squid devouring stars in the centre of the Andromeda Galaxy.

Pigeons

2010-12-17T13:56:00.000+01:00

Letter

2010-12-17T13:35:00.000+01:00

Dear Santa, we have Rudolph. If you don't send us a PS3, the only thing you'll ever see of him again will be his chopped off red nose.

First ShortzMag FlashFiction Contest (#SMFFC)

2010-12-15T22:23:00.006+01:00

Yes! We are organizing a FlashFiction Contest! Everybody can join, all stories are welcome!

Here are the rules:

- Send your best story (published or unpublished) to Shortzmag-at-gmail-dot-com
- Max length is 140 characters (Not including your Twittername)
- One story per person
- Deadline is Dec 22, 2010
- Shortzmag will set up an internet poll and invite readers to vote.
- Voting will end Dec 29, 2010 12:00 CET
- Don't forget to include your twittername in the mail.
- Winner will be announced Dec 29, 2010 13:00 CET

Good luck!

The editors: DK, IS, ZA

The perfect snowfield

2010-12-12T15:03:00.000+01:00

"Wanna bet I can make him scream?" one dog said to the other pointing at the photographer.

Zen monk

2010-12-10T14:17:00.006+01:00

The zen-monk looked at the Buddhist paraphernalia the stressed man had bought and said: "that's like searching love in porn-magazines."

Babysitter

2010-12-10T14:17:00.002+01:00

"Be back tonight," his mother said. Only little Jimmy heard the hunger in the voice of the babysitter when she said: "Come here, sweet boy."

Opening of a poodle beautician shop

2010-12-10T14:16:00.003+01:00

"In feudal times I'd have them all beheaded," the king thought as he cut the pink ribbon.

Love measuring apparatus

2010-12-10T14:16:00.000+01:00

When the scientists finally discovered the love-measuring apparatus, many divorces ensued and the world became a better place.

Age of machines

2010-12-06T16:35:00.004+01:00

When he died, his mailserver kept sending out-of-office replies to spambots.

Warbot

2010-12-05T20:23:00.001+01:00

"Why can't they live in peace?" the warrobot wondered while his hardwired commands made him point, target and pull the trigger.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Uncle Bob

2010-12-05T17:26:00.001+01:00

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

toddler

2010-12-03T12:08:00.001+01:00

When his toddler son had colored the picure exactly inside the lines, the artist was deeply disappointed.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

011210

2010-12-01T17:08:00.001+01:00

Three years later we were struck sick to discover that little Jimmy had just been really good at playing hide and seek

Definition of life

2010-11-29T07:24:00.003+01:00

"Maybe you should change your definition of life," the robot said.
"Maybe you should let go of your ego," the scientist said.

Submission Guidelines

2010-11-29T07:13:00.002+01:00

We'd like to read your stories! When submitting to ShortzMag, please consider the following guidelines:

- Length=140 including "By: @Yourtwittername"
- One story per mail
- You'll hear back from us within 7 days
- Send to: ShortzMag ~at~ gmail ~dot~ com

Haiku #3

2010-11-28T07:41:00.000+01:00

A wet autumn park

Birds and squirrels in the trees

Sound of leafblowers

Purpose

2010-11-28T07:35:00.000+01:00

"Purpose? Yes, we know the purpose of your lives," the alien said unloading the snot harvesting machines from the spaceship's cargo deck.

Simple toys are the best

2010-11-26T14:24:00.002+01:00

Amazing how much fun one can have with a kid and a simple glass jar, he thought pouring in the formaldehyde.

Fungus

2010-11-26T14:21:00.000+01:00

While the gentech lab's giant fungus slowly grew, the scientists planned to earn money. The fungus however had some plans of its own.

Success

2010-11-26T14:15:00.000+01:00

"The road to success is paved with failures," God thought looking at the earth.

What you are

2010-11-26T14:12:00.000+01:00

"You are what you eat," the cannibal thought.

Preservatives

2010-11-22T19:43:00.000+01:00

He'd hoped for a rotting corpse. "There're too many preservatives in our food nowadays," the necrophil sighed closing the tomb.

Eyecatcher

2010-11-22T10:32:00.001+01:00

Sick of the staring at her beautiful sister, now ugly Mia caught a lot of men's eyes herself and stored them in a glass jar in her cellar.

Everyone needs it

2010-11-19T21:05:00.002+01:00

"I love you," the mysanthrope said.
To his cat.

A paranoid on Twiter

2010-11-19T11:15:00.003+01:00

Her hand was on the block-button. "Why is he following me?" she thought.

Bad luck day

2010-11-19T11:14:00.003+01:00

No toilet paper. Peanut butter on shirt. Flat tire. No one at the office understood why Fred started crying when his shoelace snapped.

Qualities

2010-11-19T11:13:00.006+01:00

What a great life, earning your living with the qualities you possess, the potatoe thought.

Necessity of vacuum cleaners

2010-11-19T11:13:00.005+01:00

They fought a slow war, silently conquering houses. "One day we'll win," the captain of the dustspecks said.

Always read instructions

2010-11-19T11:12:00.003+01:00

It was only when the black hole he'd ordered by mail sucked up the cat that he remembered his mother's warning.

Spider

2010-10-15T13:03:00.002+02:00

The spider would not live to know why his mother told him absolutely never to weave a web in a woman's hairdryer.

The one thing the weatherman did not expect when he went to heaven

2010-10-15T12:54:00.000+02:00

Rain.

#onewordstory

Chocolate pool

2010-10-15T08:54:00.000+02:00

It was at her 3th day in the chocolatepool that Holly started to understand the danger of the combination of 'wish' and 'forever'.

"I said money!"

2010-10-15T08:00:00.001+02:00

"You idiot!" he cried. The deaf genie scratched his head as he watched John drown in an infinite amount of honey.

I'll keep an eye on it

2010-10-05T07:45:00.000+02:00

Years later the babysitter still regretted her promise about the pointy stick.

The dragon

2010-10-04T20:38:00.000+02:00

"I will eat you!" the dragon roared.
"Oh, I'm so scared," the megalomanic princess said combing her hair.

Loneliness

2010-09-04T20:26:00.000+02:00

Even his spam-folder was empty.

Nice books

2010-08-12T12:10:00.000+02:00

"No, we only read books with nice things in it," the woman said to the philosopher.

I've got a faucet in my eye

2010-08-06T11:59:00.001+02:00

I've got a faucet in my eye. It's leaking and the droplets spill over my cheek, as if I'm crying all the time. Of course this is my own fault, the faucet had been leaking for over two months already and I should have called a plumber to get it fixed. But I didn't.

As I went to the doctor the people on the street stared strangely at me. The doctor asked me how I was. Not very well, I replied, since I have a faucet in my eye, and not only that, but it is leaking all the time too. How is the baby-boy, he asked. Fine, fine, I said. Is he eating well? Yes, he gets breastfed. And the wife, she fine too? No problems with the- You know: it hurts sometimes, especially when the baby bites. Can't you help me, I asked, pointing at the thing in my eye. He looked me up and down. Frowned. Yeah, you don't look well... Maybe you should consider sports it's healthy and you can meet people, make new friends, etc. You should think about yourself too, you know, being a young father and all, it can be hard. But the faucet, I muttered. Don't worry about it too much, ok? he said, everything will be alright. Consider sports. Promise me youĺl do that. He slapped me on the back and let me out.

As the doctor was unable or unwilling to help me, I went back home. How was it, what did he say, my wife asked. She was comforting the baby-boy. He was crying for some reason. He could not help me, I said. With my one good eye I looked at the toilet.

You see, it had happened that night when I had to pee. I did not want to put the light on for it would wake up the baby. And as I always pee sitting, especially at night with no light on, and as the faucet is in front of you when you sit... Well, I miscalculated and the thing got stuck in my eye. It hurt tremendously, and for a while I was not able to dislodge myself from my situation and I cursed myself that I had never called the plumber to fix the damn faucet.

Later at work, the faucet was still leaking on my cheek and I had bought a box of tissues to wipe away the so-called tears. My colleagues asked me if I was alright. I said: no, I have a faucet in my eyeball. It is sticking out, all shiny and polished, can't you see. How is the wife? How is the baby-boy? They slapped me on the back. You seem tired. It must be hard to be a young father. Maybe you should take a day off, unwind, get some rest. Even the boss advised me to go home. Nobody said anything about the faucet sticking out of my eyeball.

So that afternoon I went to the bar. And people asked me how I was, how's the wifey, the kid. It's a good thing you came here, you can relax a little. And I was sitting at the bar with that fucking faucet sticking out of my eye and leaking on my cheek as if I was crying. When everyone had gone home to eat, Marty, who was still polishing the wineglasses asked me if I was ok. “Fuck you, Marty,” I said, looking out of the window, “fuck you.”

30-12-09 4:00 AM

Jason's pet T-rex

2010-07-29T11:52:00.003+02:00

When Jason came home from school and discovered that his pet T-rex had eaten his mother, he knew he was in a lot of trouble.

His mother's head lay on the ground in the middle of the kitchen. One leg was lying there too, or rather, part of it. It had been bitten off above the knee. Her shoe was still on her foot. The T-rex, which was named Bobby, was nowhere to be seen.

Jason walked around the house and found it sleeping in the flowerbed that his father was so proud of.

"Bobby, you bad boy!" Jason shouted standing next to the giant head.

It is commonly known, T-rex, and especially domesticated ones, have a very fine hearing, almost comparable to dogs. So the T-rex jumped up and roared terrificly. However when it saw it was Jason, it smiled(as far as T-rex can be said to have a smile) and licked him over the head.

"Don't do that, Bobby," Jason called, "I'm very mad with you. You have eaten my mother. That's a bad thing."

The T-rex snorted and smiled some more and waved his tail through the flowerbed, wrecking the perfectly aligned flowers.

Jason looked back at the house and wondered what he should do. His father would be really angry when he saw what happened. He would probably call the police and they would take Bobby away from him and throw him in an asylum. Then he had an idea.

"Come on, Bobby," he said. They went into the house. The T-rex had to bow his head almost to the ground to fit through the door.

In the kitchen Jason took his mother's left leg and fed it to the dinosaur. If there was no evidence, he could say that his mother had gone on a worldtrip. Or maybe that she had met another man, maybe a sheikh from Abu Dhabi, and took off with him.

He picked up his mother's head and threw it to the T-rex.

Bobby however dodged away and the head bounced off the wall and landed on the floor next to the dustbin.

"What is this?" Jason said, "you don't want to eat the head?" He took up the head again and tried to push it into the dinosaur's mouth, but it kept its jaws closed and refused to open them.

At that moment his father came home. He saw what had happened and said: "What? Did Bobby eat your mother? God Jason, I told you that it was a bad idea to have a T-rex for a pet, now look what he has done." He put down his suitcase and loosened his tie. "Now wait, let me call the police and they will..."

At that moment Bobby took a big bite and swallowed the upper part of Jason's father, that is to say, he took a bite from the torso between the neck and the stomach. He shook the torso so that the head fell onto the ground. With his tongue he skooped up the lower part, including the legs.

"Oh no, Bobby, what are you doing? Now we are really in trouble."

The dinosaur snorted and laughed like an hyena and jumped up and down so wildly that the house shook and that pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling.

As Bobby kept refusing to eat the heads, there was nothing left for Jason to do than to hide them in the kitchen cupboard under the sink and hope that the police would not come by and strip-search the house or ask questions like: "where have you last seen your mother?" or "Where were you wednesday between 3 and 5 p.m.?"

The next day, right before he had to go to school, Jason said to Bobby: "You behave, ok?" He petted the beast on his nose, "I don't want to find anymore dead people."

The dinosaur snorted and hissed and waved his giant tail through the livingroom knocking over chairs and tables.

Jason sighed and went to school.

When he came home that afternoon, he found the head of the mailman lying under the hedge next to the door. And in the livingroom he found the heads of the neighbour, the milkman and of some woman that Jason didn't know but who looked like a sales woman.

Bobby was sleeping in the flowerbed again but this didn't bother Jason much anymore, because his father was unable to care about the flowers now.

At that moment the doorbell rang and when Jason opened he saw it was a policeman.

"Hello, young man," the policeman said, "I wonder if you can tell me anything about that head lying under the hedge." He peeked inside. "And now that we're at it, maybe you can tell me about those other heads too."

Jason looked at the ground. "It wasn't me," he said, "it was Bobby, my pet T-rex."

"Ah, a pet T-rex, huh?" the policeman said, "I understand. A T-rex is a dangerous animal."

Jason nodded. "Are you going to take him away from me?"

"Take him away? Oh no, buddy, don't you worry. It's their own fault to come so close to such a dangerous animal. I have one at home myself, I gave it to my son, and it gives me a heck of a lot of trouble, so I understand your situation. It doesn't like the heads, right?"

Jason shook his head.

"Yeah, I thought so. You know what you should do? You should put a warning-sign at the beginning of the lawn, so people will know they should not enter. And when they do so anyway, why, it's their own responsibility. Will you do that for me? It will save you a lot of trouble."

"Yes," Jason looked up and smiled a the officer.

"Ok son, good bye now."

That afternoon Jason made a big warningsign saying:

WARNING, DANGEROUS T-REX!

DO NOT ENTER!

RISK OF DEATH OR GETTING

YOUR HEAD BITTEN OFF.

and he put it at the beginning of the driveway.

From that moment on, no-one dared to enter the garden anymore, especially not when they saw Bobby playing in the yard or sleeping in the flowerbed.

Every now and then the police-officer would pass and Jason would wave at him and the officer would smile and touch his hat as police-officers do when they greet someone.

I'm lovin' it

2010-07-22T11:39:00.000+02:00

"They are getting really fat sir, even the children," the big fastfood chain's CEO said in the microphone, "the government even knows, they start to blame us!"
"Don't you worry about that, sonny," the alien voice crackled through the loudspeaker, "don't you worry about that."

Selfportrait

2010-03-19T19:00:00.002+01:00

I am a domesticated dog who knows that it is domesticated.

For the love of God

2010-03-13T22:01:00.000+01:00

"So why do you want to become a member of our church?" the priest asked.
"Well, eh... You know..." the pedophile said blushing.

Strings

2010-03-04T10:09:00.000+01:00

"You see," God said, touching the string, "if you vibrate it this way, you can make them believe that matter exists."
"Wow, just like music!" the devil said, "they really believe this?"
"Of course! This is their one and only truth..."
The devil watched the string in full admiration. "To make this from nothing..." he sighed, "you are so creative."
"Thank you," God said and he blushed.

The world is full of secret powers

2010-02-26T08:53:00.000+01:00

The violin-player at the corner of the street was the only one who knew that the people walking by, marched exactly in step with the rhythm of his music.

Nothingness has an existential crisis

2010-02-24T08:36:00.001+01:00

"What is nothingness?" it wondered, "what is nothingness?" It turned the question around and around without success. And after eons of thinking, the absolute void got so frustrated by the sheer unanswerability of this question, that it exploded into being and that is how the universe began.

The bomb

2010-02-23T09:00:00.001+01:00

I feel awkward today. What good is being a bomb if you never go off? It's like being a writer without writing. If you have the power to kill tens of thousands of people and you never do it, what kind of bomb are you? Can you say that you are a bomb if you never explode? I feel awkward today... I should do something...

The perfect story

2010-02-22T08:38:00.000+01:00

"Stories are like people," the old writer said, "sometimes you see one that is totally perfect and at the same time perfectly uninteresting."

Billy

2010-02-20T12:17:00.000+01:00

While other men of his age sent robots out to space, wrote great novels or conquered the world, Billy, the man who always did what his mother asked him, mowed the lawn and chased away the pigeons from the roof of the shed.

Dreams

2010-02-19T10:32:00.001+01:00

He read in the paper about the old woman who had been lying dead in her appartment for two-and-half years. "Such an empty life!" he said. He glanced at his own agenda which was full of appointments. Then he looked out the window for a long time.

Lemmings

2010-02-18T09:00:00.001+01:00

Through their binoculars they watched the lemmings march over the cliff.
"How strange it must be to be walking towards such a certain death," Bob whispered.
"Horrible," Bill said, watching the mass suicide.
"And so senseless too..." Bob said.

Revenge of the killer-blanket

2010-02-17T09:55:00.000+01:00

When the blanket moved, the man, half asleep, was not sure if he was dreaming or not. That was just the state of mind the blanket had been waiting for.

God is dead

2010-02-16T09:00:00.002+01:00

When Nietzsche died and went up to meet his maker, he looked somewhat amazed at God. "Apparently I was wrong," he said stroking his moustache.
God nodded.
"So what now?" Nietzsche asked.
"Have a big fat guess, smarty pants," the devil sounded from below.

The Watchtower

2010-02-15T09:00:00.002+01:00

When the woman at the corner of the street wanted to put a leaflet in his hand, he said to her: "I'm sorry but I am a strict atheïst and my religion does not allow me to talk to you." And he walked away with a smile.

The punker

2010-02-14T09:00:00.001+01:00

"Why do you look like a punker?" I asked the punker.
"Because I am against all forms of conformism," he said.

The secret of a great idea

2010-02-13T09:00:00.000+01:00

When he had his idea that could have saved humanity, the man who was not an inventor and never would be an inventor thought: "Well, but probably someone has already thought about that."

Ice Age 4

2010-02-12T09:00:00.000+01:00

When the global warming turned out to be a global cooling instead, they really regretted having put that giant sunscreen in orbit.

Helping the poor

2010-02-11T11:07:00.001+01:00

Confronted with the news of the poor country:
- The christian said: "I will pray for them."
- The activist said: "I will walk a protest march against poverty."
- The tourist said: "I will go on a holiday there."

The easy life

2010-02-10T10:24:00.000+01:00

Not succeeding in comforting the crying baby, the criminal whished he was back in prison.

Consciousness

2010-02-05T14:04:00.000+01:00

"If you can't explain what it is," the zombie said to the philosopher, "than how can you say that you have it and I don't?"

The ant and the grasshopper

2010-02-04T10:41:00.000+01:00

Sitting in his winternest, the ant thought about all the great adventures the grasshopper had told him about.

The essence of the onion

2010-02-03T14:00:00.001+01:00

The philosopher held up an onion. "What exactly is an onion?" he said, "I mean, what is the essence of it?" So he peeled layer after layer off of the vegetable until there was nothing left. Surprised he looked at his empty hands. And declared: "the onion does not exist!"

*ShortzMag

The King

Nightshift

Hate of interior design

When God met Twitter

Poetic freedom

Treehugger

Chimpansees

Truth

Hole to the other side of the earth.

Comic #7: Twitter

Comic #6: Dreadlock holiday

Comic #5: IQ-test

Comic #4: Robot

Comic #3: Stealers wheel

Comic #2: Seven Billion

Comic #1: Office

Very old man

Dimension

The value of money

Every good deed has its recompense

Gold

Nessie

When God met Darwin

Future of literature

Drop of water

Lonely Jim

Be happy with what you have

Not so secret love

-ology

Plump Sarah

Annual dentist horror contest

Great writer

Winner of the First ShortzMag Flashfiction Contest

ShortzMag Flash Fiction Contest Entries

Truth

Beware of bedroom plants

Haiku #4

The elephant people

Theory

Pigeons

Letter

First ShortzMag FlashFiction Contest (#SMFFC)

The perfect snowfield

Zen monk

Babysitter

*Opening of a poodle beautician shop*

Love measuring apparatus

Age of machines

Warbot

Uncle Bob

toddler

011210

Definition of life

Submission Guidelines

Haiku #3

Purpose

Simple toys are the best

Fungus

Success

What you are

Preservatives

Eyecatcher

Everyone needs it

A paranoid on Twiter

Bad luck day

Qualities

Necessity of vacuum cleaners

Always read instructions

Spider

The one thing the weatherman did not expect when he went to heaven

Chocolate pool

"I said money!"

I'll keep an eye on it

The dragon

Loneliness

Nice books

I've got a faucet in my eye

Jason's pet T-rex

I'm lovin' it

Opening of a poodle beautician shop